With The Dark Knight Rises finally in theatres, I’m once again able to enjoy watching Bruce Wayne kick some bad guy ass. After seeing the movie twice, instead of writing a critique on what I thought the weak points in this film were, I’m going to write a critique of something that has bothered me since watching Adam West wield a can of shark repellant.
I’m so glad this is a thing.
Now I don’t want to doubt the intelligence of the people reading this, but this is where I put the part where there might be SPOILERS. Duh.
My main qualm with Batman, in any form, is the whole mystery part of it. This movie continues to shove the idea of Batman being a symbol down our throats. The idea that Batman could be Joe Somebody, walking down the streets of Gotham beside you at any moment. He could be ANYONE, right?!
BA-NA-NA-NA-NA-NA-NA-NA-NA-NA-NA-NA-NA-NA-NA-NA-MOOSE KNUCKLE!
Except he really couldn’t be. Look at the shit this guy carries around on his belt. Besides shark repellent (undoubtedly the most useful), he’s got hand-lathed poison-tipped throwing stars in the shape of bats, grappling hooks, finger tasers, collapsible bat sword, and optional sun roof. These aren’t things you can just whip up in your basement. This isn’t some Peter Parker ski-mask bullshit. This is more money than you can count.
Really just wanted to use this picture.
So we’ve narrowed it down considerably. This is one of Gotham’s elite. However, you can’t just buy this stuff without having a way for it to be invented. So not only do you need money, you need people. And with the scope of equipment, from the suit to the tanks, you’re going to need an entire enterprise. A metric shit ton of resources. In other words, YOU NEED TO BE BRUCE WAYNE.
LOL they still don’t know.
If there’s one thing I can’t get past in these films, it’s that NOBODY IN GOTHAM CAN GET THEIR SHIT TOGETHER. Even the damn police commissioner! James Gordon goes through hundreds of Batman comics and a dozen movies and STILL can’t piece together that Bruce Wayne is Batman. I finally realize how organized crime got to be as bad as it is in the first place, what with the Gotham Police running the show. DAMNIT JIM, YOU GUYS ARE LIKE , BEST FRIENDS.
I may be a damn good actor, but correlation is NOT my strongest suit.
When Batman disappears, so does Bruce Wayne. When Batman comes back 8 years later, SO DOES BRUCE WAYNE. ON DAMN NEAR THE SAME NIGHT. HOW DO PEOPLE NOT RECOGNIZE THIS. HOW CAN PEOPLE BE SO FUCKING STUPID, AND NOT SEE WHAT’S RIGHT IN FRONT OF-
Oh… Right.
Fuck you, DC.
1 comment
Whitney
August 12, 2012 at 12:01 PM (UTC -7) Link to this comment
I would have to agree (as would everyone I should hope) that connecting the dots between Bruce Wayne and Batman is not a stretch, but let’s admit – isn’t it more about not wanting to believe that your hero doesn’t exist?** If we were to take a comparable character profile – such as Superman, can we really say that Jimmy and Lois REALLY didn’t know that Clark was actually the big hero? Of course they knew, but they also knew that believing in Superman was more important than being the guy (or girl) who told everyone the ugly truth. Personally, all I ever wanted to believe was that Lois wasn’t completely void of one or two intelligent marbles rolling around in her over-rouged, thin-lipped, shiny-haired head. But as with most superhero’s girlfriends, I fear she was just another dumb bitch who needed saving. On that note, I will reiterate your earlier statement: Fuck you, DC.
At the end of the day, nothing is as true as when someone says it out loud. I recall learning that lesson first hand when at 6 years old I sat in Santa’s lap at my elementary school pancake breakfast and matter-of-factly said to him “You’re not Santa, you are my neighbor Dave (who he was.)” As if that wasn’t enough, I looked him square in the eye and said “I know Santa is not real.” He just stared back at my blankly and I politely crawled down to make room for the next in line. I’m pretty sure the kids within earshot of me will probably always remember me as the girl who “outed” Santa Claus at the pancake breakfast. In retrospect, maybe I should have kept my voice down but then again, it’s a dog-eat-dog world out there and Santa isn’t going to save you from an ass whooping. Those kids should be thanking me for getting that monkey off their back early on.
Incidentally, the tooth fairy isn’t real either. Consider your mind blown.
Whit out.
**Hopefully you noted my usage of the hyphenated pause. You are welcome.