Statistics show that the average LTAS reader… is like… one guy, somewhere. And if statistics tell us anything, it’s that you’re reading this on an Apple product. iMac, iPod, iPad, iTop or whatever it is they’re peddling nowadays. Apple has a stranglehold on the technology market, and I just… can’t figure out why.
I get the cool green text and built in keyboard, but who still uses floppy disks?
Before you stop reading and close your Safari window in a fit of rage, understand that this won’t be an article telling you why Apple is terrible. It’s an article telling you why Apple gets away with shit because consumers treat it like the norm. And that, my friends, is terrible.
Almost as terrible as this catastrophe.
Proprietary Hardware
Since the dawn of time, man has had trouble keeping all of his gadgets in order. Especially when it comes to power supplies. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve left a neat, orderly power strip, just to come back to this:
I LEFT YOU ALONE FOR 10 MINUTES.
For this reason, last year the European Union standardized their phone chargers. Now micro USB is the standard across all devices. Not only is this a fantastic convenience, requiring you to just carry around one charger for all of your devices, it’s a huge savings in resources. No more piles of cords sitting in a box on that shelf in the closet you barely go in. If you ever lose your phone charger, everyone and their mother will be able to help you out because it’s the STANDARD. Even Apple signed this agreement.
Then why am I upset?
Because they didn’t modify their device. The created an adapter. This adapter will allow you to plug a micro USB cord into the adapter, which you can then plug into your iPhone. Not only does this create another unnecessary step in the charging process, but if gives you YET ANOTHER piece of plastic and metal to lose.
It looks like a face. A smug face. That's... laughing at you. I JUST WANT TO PUNCH IT.
Way to cheat the system, assholes. But this is just in Europe, anyway. Here in ‘MERKUH we still use a metric fuck ton of various cords because FREEDOM. Or we would, if we used the DAMN METRIC SYSTEM.
Locking Shit
The scenario: You go over to your friends house, and you’ve got an album that he’s been dying to get. However, he’s broke and doesn’t have the means to purchase this epic album of awesomeness, so you think “why not, I’ll just give it to him, he’s burned CDs for me in the past”. However, you have an iSomething. Looks like your friend is SOL, because Apple won’t let you move music off of your device, just sync to it. How frustrating.
Almost as frustrating as this son of a bitch.
But Geoff, it’s to prevent piracy!
And I get that. I do. But let’s say somebody steals your computer, AND your external hard drive you used to back up all of your music like a good little computer user. And, you chose the AUTOMATIC SYNC. When you buy a new computer, not only can you not natively pull your music off of your device, but syncing to update your software or any of your music will effectively erase the damn thing. There are ways of going into your music folder and transferring your entire library from your phone to your computer, but pulling off a single album is impossible when it looks like this:
Oh yeeeah, FCGE, brilliant song.
It’s just a needless amount of work to accomplish what you were going to do anyway, regardless of piracy prevention.
Pretentiousness
I’m not even talking about the users. I’m talking about the company. Specifically, the tech support.
As my family’s “tech guy”, I get a fair share of problems thrown my way. And with the help of Google, I’ve been able to solve almost every problem I’ve come up against, usually in a matter of minutes. For this reason, I DON’T UNDERSTAND HOW THERE CAN BE SO MANY BAD TECH SUPPORT PEOPLE IN THE WORLD. And not every one of them is bad, some of them are very efficient at fixing a problem. But whenever I have friends or family that return defeated from tech support because their problem couldn’t be fixed, and I FIX IT, I wonder how they get away with getting paid for that.
Obligatory South Park reference.
This sounds like a rant against all tech support. And it is. However, Apple has the audacity to call their tech support the geniuses. And that just GRINDS MY GEARS.
Price
Price. Price. PRICE. My biggest “what the fuck” when it comes to Apple and their consumers. I recently got a new computer, and it’s fucking sweet. Best computer I’ve ever even come close to owning. AMD Phenom II X4 970 Black Edition 3.5GHz Quad-Core Processor, SAPPHIRE Radeon HD 6870 1GB Video Card, 8 Gigs of ram, etc. Altogether, this machine cost me under $700.
FUCK YEAH.
iMacs START at $1199. That’s the baseline. Nearly double what I paid for some of the same (or less) shit I bought. You can buy less powerful hardware from them for gobs more. If you want to get comparable hardware you’re looking at 2 grand. And they get away with this because of consumers. Supply and demand. “But it’s a Mac!” = cash in Apple’s pocket. I’ll say this for Apple, great job branding. And for the lovers of Mac OS X, the operating system itself is not reason enough to charge that much more. If you’re looking for a Windows-less experience with a dock, you can get a linux distro for FREE and run it on any computer.
I can't wait to shit you out.
When it comes down to it, I just don’t understand how you can justify spending that kind of cash and go through that kind of consumer abuse just so you don’t have to use Windows. Windows really isn’t that bad, but that’s a different article. As the laws of supply and demand state, the more people that end up spending that kind of money on Apple, the cheaper… the cheaper everything else becomes.
What the fuck am I doing?
Forget what I said. Keep buying from Apple. They’re… great. Please?
Because LOOK HOW DELICIOUS.
6 comments
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Jack
March 6, 2012 at 2:31 PM (UTC -7) Link to this comment
But Geoff…how can I be creative and unique without the same computer thousands of other creative, unique people use?
No, that’s not fair, I apologize. Because it’s true, you can only get creative programs like the Adobe suite and other great editing and drawing softwares FOR Apple, right? RIGHT?
Ryan
March 6, 2012 at 4:48 PM (UTC -7) Link to this comment
Apple Tech Support:
Oh, your computer looks broken. Here’s a new one. Have a nice day!
Because…you know…I didn’t need all that stuff on my hard drive. But go ahead! Keep my Macbook. It’s cool.
I shouldn’t criticize them too much…they did give me a Mac Pro for free (although there is no program utilizing all 12 cores and it’s currently sitting in my closet in Arizona). But man, I feel pretentious having that thing sitting on my desk. I’d rather drop $5k on a computer that doubles as a coffee maker/usb microwave. The ultimate LAN party companion.
Anna
March 8, 2012 at 2:17 AM (UTC -7) Link to this comment
I was born with Windows, and I intend to die with it.
Personally.
I mean, you’re right. Apple’s sort of like the Starbucks of computers–they’ve been in the business since the business became important, they only get more expensive, and they’ve added words to our vocabulary (frappuccino, anyone?). But I still kind of want an iPad, since it’s sort of awesome and touch-screen-y and about twelve times lighter than my laptop.
But my first love and my main operating system? Always windows.
Besides, I can’t figure out their weird word document thing. Microsoft Word and I have been friends for about thirteen years now, and I have no desire to start out in the awkward “you wanna play?” phase again.
Oh, and the “command + (letter)” versus “control + (letter)” thing always pisses me off. Always.
Mr. Beebes
March 8, 2012 at 3:57 PM (UTC -7) Link to this comment
You can always get Microsoft office on your Apple computer. That’s what I do. Go ahead and boo and hiss for my affection for my MacBook. That’s right. Maybe I’ll buy a Prius and drive around with lattes and smell my own farts. I don’t care because my computer is the shit and I have yet to have an issue with it after four years of heavy use.
Geoff
March 8, 2012 at 11:42 PM (UTC -7) Link to this comment
I’m not even arguing against the computer! I specifically stayed away from that in this post.
I’m arguing that Apple is inconsiderate, and they are able to be because the consumers don’t call them out of their shit. Making an adapter instead of modifying their future hardware to comply with regulation, not allowing you access to your own files once they’ve been put onto one of their devices, and price gouging are all really dick things to do. They make it harder for the consumer to enjoy the product.
I can see the appeal of Apple products from a marketing standpoint, and I get why people like their software. These are just examples of things I don’t like about Apple’s relationship with their customers and the rest of the technological world. I didn’t even mention Adobe Flash.
Also, I think the term genius is pretentious.
Dylan
March 9, 2012 at 4:20 PM (UTC -7) Link to this comment
I live in an Apple apartment and have Apple friends and they JUDGE me because I have a PC.
But my MacBook Pro broke some time back, and prioritizing means judging where your money goes.
I got a decent ass laptop for $400 dollars. It does everything I need it to do. It’s not rockin for games, but Apple doesn’t have those anyway. MacBooks are expensive.
And do I think the IPhone is sexy and want to ask Siri wholly inappropriate questions? Yes I do.
But PCs are great computers. Functional. With thousands of free (read: pirated) apps for me. And that’s amazing.
….and I don’t have to spend my booze money on an adapter.